The Night of the Guinea Pig

Me with pig quarters. Yes, those are its front teeth.

And now for something completely different...


***WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS PICTURES OF MEAT THAT STILL LOOKS LIKE THE CUTE FURRY ANIMAL IT CAME FROM. IF THAT BOTHERS YOU, STOP READING HERE (and maybe have a good think about going vegetarian)***


So recently I've been doing upbeat spring posts about things like fiddlehead ferns and rhubarb compote and other seasonal delights you might find on Pinterest. This post is entirely different. In this post, I barbeque a guinea pig.

Three, actually, one butterflied on the grill and two roasted in the oven, which despite the cool evening may not have been my best idea ever. If you know me at all of have read back through some of the earlier posts on this blog, you know that I like to eat unusual things. (See: crickets two ways at my birthday party last month.) So when some friends and I discovered that the local C-Town supermarket stocked guinea pig in the freezer section, we knew it had to happen. That was two or three years ago; it took M. finishing his dissertation and moving to Ohio for us to get out act together and buy a few to try. (That age old story of 'oh, we'll do it next time', until finally life hits you and there is no next time.) Guinea pigs are a specialty in some parts of South America, where they're called cuy and generally roasted or fried (or so the internets tell me). So in honor of M. moving on with his life, we grabbed some cuy, invited over some adventurous friends, fired up my neighbor's grill, and made a South American(-ish) feast.

1) The rodents. There were seven of us, so we bought three piglets, and prepared each a different way. One was rubbed with a mixture of cumin, paprika, pepper, and salt and grilled over charcoal with a clove of garlic in its toothy little mouth. A second was stuffed with chorizo, parsley, and onions and roasted at 400 "til it's done". And for the third we followed a recipe found online and roasted it with a stuffing made from walnuts, parsley, onions, mint, oregano, and the innards C-Town was kind enough to leave in the three body cavities (heart, lungs, liver, kidneys), lightly poached and then mixed in with the rest. Needless to say I did not eat this last one. Unusual species don't bother me; unusual organs do. (Did I ever claim to be rational?)

Super cuy!

The cuy themselves were sold in plastic pouches (brand name: Super Cuy!) de-furred and cleaned but otherwise intact: head, feet, eyes, skin, etc all accounted for (only the digestive tract had been removed). So they looked like, well, very naked guinea pigs. Let the black humor and grisly jokes commence. They were thawed and opened up, the remaining organs removed, and stuffed or not as per above. M. did the honors of carving the roast beasts at the table, which entailed decapitation, drawing, and quartering. (Actually, I think they came pre-drawn. Whatever.) The first one, which had been butterflied and bbqed, I think was the best. Actually it's the only one I tasted. I got a nice leg (claws and all). The skin was a little rubbery, even after being crisped over the fire, but the meat was nice and tender and flavorful from the smoke and the rub. Stronger-flavored than I'd expected, certainly more pungent than rabbit, and a little fatty. Not bad at all. The second, with the guts-stuffing, I'm told was minerally, which is unsurprising when you consider it was fulled with liver and kidney. (Remind me again why people eat that stuff?) I think without the offal that's a stuffing I might actually use again though. But rodent hearts? Not so much. And by the time the chorizo cuy (pig in a pig!) was carved I was way too full to even think about eating a piece. I did nibble on the stuffing though, and that one I really will make again. Chorizo & onion: yum.

Lowering the cuy into hot water for defrosting. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Opening it for cleaning and stuffing.

What lies beneath. (The heart, mostly.)

Applying the dry rub to #1.

Herb-walnut stuffing (pre-adding of guts).

Sauteing the chorizo stuffing.

Cuy #2, stuffed and closed up with toothpicks.

#s 2 and 3, stuffed and trussed. The one on the right kinda looks like a zombie.

#1 on the grill.

Roasted. We crisped them up on the grill afterwards.

Ready for carving.

Carving the cuy.

Pig on a platter.

2) The fixings. South American themed meant yucca and plantain and avocado and pineapple.  And grilled onions, because why not. The yucca we made into baked fries, the plantains into fried fries, and the pineapple was dredged in cinnamon and grilled. Oh, and M. made some excellent tomatillo salsa, but you'll have to ask him for the recipe since I haven't got a clue. Frankly these were the best part. I mean, guinea pig is good, but grilled pineapple is better. And avocados. Yum.

Some nice bloodless chopped plantains for you.

3) The drinks. You don't think we did this fully sober, did you? Red wine and summer ale were both on hand, and probably to blame for what happened to the heads. Like I said, black humor. So cheers to a good time and the six brave should who came over to share it, and then had the fortitude to go for ice cream after. Salut!

Guinea Pig
Just read the paragraph above. That's really all we had to go on. Besides, you're not really planning to make this, are you?

Fried Plantains
Buy some plantains, the riper the better. Cut into smallish chunks. Fry in oil, probably at a lower heat than I did. Dip in Sriracha and lime juice.

Frying.

Ready for eating.

 
Grilled Pineapple
Cut a pineapple into chunks. Dredge in cinnamon. Grill til caramelized. Devour.

Cut and dredge.

Grill and eat.

Baked Yucca Fries
Finally, a real recipe! Preheat the oven to 450. Peel your yucca and cut it into 3-inch long lengths. Discard the ends. Get a pot of water boiling, and add the yucca. Boil about 12 minutes, until the middles start to split. Drain and let cool.

Cut each section in half lengthwise and take out the tough string running down the middle. There will probably be a layer peeling off the outside too; you can get rid of that if you like. Cut into wedges and arrange on a baking sheet. Drizzle with a generous amount of olive oil, then sprinkle with salt, black pepper, cayenne, and lime zest (or other spice mix of your choice). Bake 10 minutes, stir, then bake another 10 minutes or so. Let cool and eat with salsa.

Yucca Fries.